I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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