Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize