Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
