I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
