Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
