hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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