im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
