i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i was born a porn star she said
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
