Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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