yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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