i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize