we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
