how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
