i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my liver is dry heaving
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My bed smells like the plague
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
