Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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