I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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