I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
