This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
