Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
