He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize