Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
