summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
