sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
