life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
