He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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