he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
