haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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