You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
