just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
