can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
