I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
