god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
