It's Friday. Sex?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
