Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
