Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
