Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
