My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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