Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
