I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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