she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
