She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
