i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
