I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
