my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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