Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
