theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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