If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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