my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
