Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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