Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
