HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
