I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
