Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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