The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
