I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
