i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We got so high we made milksteak
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize