True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
