She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize