well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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