i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
