remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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