i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
