I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
