Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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