But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There are leaves in my underwear?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
