I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
