I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize