It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
