I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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