You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
