Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
