Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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