I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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