can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
