i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
