someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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