rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
