apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize