Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
