Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
