we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
