You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
