Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
