He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
