Got a toothbrush?
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
