4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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