We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You ruined the universe
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
