K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize