how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
