No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
