Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
